Humor
Too True
05/28/09 10:49 AM
I have nothing to say since this speaks for itself and I was cracking up and my lab-mate asked me what was so funny and then also preceded to crack up.
From here.
From here.
0 Comments
SNP Guru
05/04/09 09:59 AM
I don’t know what is up with Biotech companies making viral videos, but Applied Biosystems just released a new one: SNP Guru.
Original location is here.
Original location is here.
Scientific-ish Approach to Keeping a Girlfriend
04/24/09 01:04 PM
I’m not sure if it is a good thing I found this scientific-ish approach to keeping a girlfriend freaking hysterical, but I needed to share this with the masses.
I have no idea where I found this, but if anyone knows who to give credit to please let me know and I will do so!
I have no idea where I found this, but if anyone knows who to give credit to please let me know and I will do so!
G T C A
04/16/09 07:55 AM
Well, Bio-Rad has done it again; another viral video for one of its products. This time it is for Real Time PCR.
Well done Bio-Rad, well done.
Link to other Bio-Rad videos.
Well done Bio-Rad, well done.
Link to other Bio-Rad videos.
Watch out grad. students...
04/03/09 10:47 AM
I was checking out my feeds this morning and this one caught my eye:
I immediately thought, “There are robot scientists?” I then collapsed into an inner monologue that centered on the fact that there are robot scientists that I didn’t know about and wondering which of the many scientists I have met over the years were indeed robots. Don’t get me wrong, I am not very surprised. I mean, have you met many scientists? It makes sense. I was more intrigued that this fact had made it to the popular media and the cover was about to be blown off the entire thing.
Obviously, I clicked through. The results scared me more than robot scientists did, which for the record, they do not.
Somegeniuses idiots make a robot that does science. There are lots of robots that do science, my lab has two, but the problem is they gave this robot the ability to think. I really hope that they gave it a heart too otherwise we might be living i, Robot soon. This would not be good.
What the hell? Isn’t this what I have been doing for the last 19 years? Learning how to reason, formulate theories, and discovering scientific knowledge on my own? Uhg. I wish I had known this was going to happen because I would have done something else with my life and then bought this robot and become a scientist overnight. It makes this whole PhD thing seem like a waste of time.
So the question is, does it work?
So, what you are telling me is that this robot was able to derive the Newton Laws from first principles all by itself? What a waste of time those two semesters of physics I took were. I also bet the robot has more personality than a lot of biophysicists I know (babump chhhhhh, I will be here all night).
It seems as though grad. students are about to become obsolete and the tool of the past. I don’t blame the PIs, I would spend the money on a robot that probably does what I do and does a better job of it.
Plus, as my boss would say, “It can’t get pregnant.” I hope they didn’t build this feature in!
It does seem like my job is safe for a little while though.
Hopefully by the time I become a PI these things will make everything I do automated and I can sip mixed drinks on the beach somewhere and run my entire lab though my iPhone. Here’s to hoping!
Original article can be found here.
Robot scientists can think for themselves.
I immediately thought, “There are robot scientists?” I then collapsed into an inner monologue that centered on the fact that there are robot scientists that I didn’t know about and wondering which of the many scientists I have met over the years were indeed robots. Don’t get me wrong, I am not very surprised. I mean, have you met many scientists? It makes sense. I was more intrigued that this fact had made it to the popular media and the cover was about to be blown off the entire thing.
Obviously, I clicked through. The results scared me more than robot scientists did, which for the record, they do not.
Some
Two teams of researchers said on Thursday they had created machines that could reason, formulate theories and discover scientific knowledge on their own, marking a major advance in the field of artificial intelligence.
What the hell? Isn’t this what I have been doing for the last 19 years? Learning how to reason, formulate theories, and discovering scientific knowledge on my own? Uhg. I wish I had known this was going to happen because I would have done something else with my life and then bought this robot and become a scientist overnight. It makes this whole PhD thing seem like a waste of time.
So the question is, does it work?
Just by crunching the numbers -- and without any prior instruction in physics -- the Cornell machine was able to decipher Isaac Newton's laws of motion and other properties.
So, what you are telling me is that this robot was able to derive the Newton Laws from first principles all by itself? What a waste of time those two semesters of physics I took were. I also bet the robot has more personality than a lot of biophysicists I know (babump chhhhhh, I will be here all night).
It seems as though grad. students are about to become obsolete and the tool of the past. I don’t blame the PIs, I would spend the money on a robot that probably does what I do and does a better job of it.
Plus, as my boss would say, “It can’t get pregnant.” I hope they didn’t build this feature in!
It does seem like my job is safe for a little while though.
Lipson does not think robots will make scientists obsolete any day soon, but believes they could take over much of the routine work in research laboratories.
Hopefully by the time I become a PI these things will make everything I do automated and I can sip mixed drinks on the beach somewhere and run my entire lab though my iPhone. Here’s to hoping!
Original article can be found here.
Someone Gets It!
03/06/09 09:36 AM
Considering myself a type of nerd, I have to say I was thrilled when I stumbled on this gem on Craigslist. I mean they all make sense to me, but maybe it is because I am a nerd and thus want them all to be true. I mean, I KNOW number seven is true...tehehehe
In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.
1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.
2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.
3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.
4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.
5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?
6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.
7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.
8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?
9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*Geek Guy: “What?”Me: “Never mind...”
10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.
11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).
12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.
13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...
14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...
15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.
This really is a big problem
10/16/08 09:46 PM
So a while ago I wrote about the Love Mattress and how it would help guys while sleeping as the big spoon. I recently found this video which is helpful if you can't get your hands on a Love Mattress. Enjoy!
Getting Intimate:How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed
Getting Intimate:How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed
Breasts or Exercise?
10/03/08 09:45 PM
Paris for Prez?
08/08/08 09:40 PM
I think McCain just got owned.
Thanks to Noah for sending this one my way!
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
Thanks to Noah for sending this one my way!
this slut has 330,000 happy customers!
08/06/08 09:39 PM
what kind of slut services 330,000 people a year?
Seattle's S.L.U.T, that's who! Or what, rather. This might be the dumbest name for a train ever: South Lake Union Trolley. I mean really, who is going to call it that...obviously it is going to be shortened down.
They realized their mistake after a few days and now have changed the name to the "South Lake Union Streetcar." This is not okay. We need to keep the SLUT alive!
A good friend of mine is moving out to Seattle so I need to get on this train and then get the shirt!
Add this to the list of thing to do if you are in the Seattle area!
Seattle's S.L.U.T, that's who! Or what, rather. This might be the dumbest name for a train ever: South Lake Union Trolley. I mean really, who is going to call it that...obviously it is going to be shortened down.
They realized their mistake after a few days and now have changed the name to the "South Lake Union Streetcar." This is not okay. We need to keep the SLUT alive!
A good friend of mine is moving out to Seattle so I need to get on this train and then get the shirt!
Add this to the list of thing to do if you are in the Seattle area!
Lesson Learned: Don't give thesis proposal to someone going camping.
06/30/08 09:38 PM
I have my last major hoop to jump through on Thursday of this week in order to become an honest to goodness PhD. Candidate and therefore have to write my thesis proposal and orally defend it. I have one of the best science writers I know as a best friend and therefore I use her as my personal editor. This usually works fine. She rips me to pieces, I cry, fix my idiotic use of the English language, and move on, but this time she was going camping and took my proposal with her. The results I have yet to see, but the pictures speak for themselves.
Burning Proposal our new yearly tradition.
Apparently, it is not available.
Needless to say, I am scared to get it back.
Burning Proposal our new yearly tradition.
Apparently, it is not available.It's Called epMotion
06/17/08 09:37 PM
I don't know why, but there has been an explosion of viral (yes, yes pun intended) videos from biotech companies promoting their new products. It started with BioRad's Scientists for Better PCR and now it has gone to Eppendorf International's It's Called epMotion.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
When I was your age...
06/05/08 09:36 PM
Stumbled onto this webcomic and thought it would be the kind of story I told as an old crotchety scientist some day. I can't wait to be an old crotchety scientist!
I have been waiting for this!
06/05/08 09:35 PM
I found this one on Geeks are Sexy and have to say I really want to go to Germany now. The Germans have the first upsidedown-looped waterslide in the world! I know lots of water parks have the new slides that propel you up slopes but this is just freaking awesome. If someone can combine the two then I think I will have a new favorite attraction at theme parks!
Check out the video, but be warned it is in German.
Check out the video, but be warned it is in German.
too true...
04/25/08 09:31 PM
insane guitar hero
04/10/08 09:27 PM
drugs + science = this
03/26/08 09:26 PM
i have to give Dharia (a fellow grad student) props for sending this my way. the following video shows what happens when you combine science and the early 70s. the video shows a dance depicting the process of protein synthesis.
the description on youtube says:
wow!
the description on youtube says:
Directed in 1971 by Robert Alan Weiss for the Department of Chemistry of Stanford University and imprinted with the "free love" aura of the period, this short film continues to be shown in biology class today. It has since spawn a series of similar funny attempts at vulgarizing protein synthesis. Narrated by Paul Berg, 1980 Nobel prize for Chemistry.please listen close to the soundtrack and the narration. it is priceless!
wow!
a scientific explanation for breaking the seal
02/29/08 09:24 PM
urban dictionary defines breaking the seal as
there is, and interestingly enough, you can train yourself to not urinate so often if you want.
this article is from the ABC of Australia website and deals with "Great Moments in Science." i am not sure why or even how this is great science, but it was interesting none the less.
the article states that
this seemed quite early to me to have to go to the bathroom, but it made more sense after reading:
the article also goes on to point out a key fact
The point at which you first piss after you have been drinking your favorite alcoholic beverage and at this point you will be pissing every ten minutes.having experienced this phenomenon firsthand I wondered if there was a scientific mechanism behind it.
there is, and interestingly enough, you can train yourself to not urinate so often if you want.
this article is from the ABC of Australia website and deals with "Great Moments in Science." i am not sure why or even how this is great science, but it was interesting none the less.
the article states that
The bladder has a capacity of 500 mL (roughly a small carton of milk). The bladder, like the ureter, has various bands of muscle in its wall – spiral, longitudinal and circular. When the bladder empties, the muscles contract in a specific sequence, starting at the top and working down to the bottom. This wrings virtually all of the urine from the bladder. You get your first urge to pass water with a volume of 150 ml of urine, but usually this can be easily ignored. But it’s harder to ignore the marked sense of fullness that normally happens around 400 mL.converting the volume into beers means that if you have a completely empty bladder and start drinking, you will start to feel as though you could urinate after one half of a beer (150 mL = ~5 fluid ounces) and you really have to go after finishing that first beer (400 mL = ~13.5 fluid ounces).
this seemed quite early to me to have to go to the bathroom, but it made more sense after reading:
The bladder is a hollow organ that is the reservoir for urine. Urine from the kidneys flows at about 1 ml per minute into the bladder, via the ureters. The ureters have walls of muscle arranged in spiral and longitudinal layers. Every 10-60 seconds, waves of synchronized muscle contraction progress down the ureters, pushing urine into the bladder.so it would take 15o minutes for your bladder to fill to the 5 fluid ounce point, and 4o0 minutes to get to the "get out of my way" zone. this makes perfect sense because 150 minutes is 2.5 hours and 400 minutes is 6.66 hours, which means at some point around 3 to 4 hours after drinking you are going to break seal. i have found this fits in with my past experiences.
the article also goes on to point out a key fact
Then you have to sit back and literally hold on. Just like five-year-olds physically clutching their groin when they feel they are busting to do a wee, you have to cross your legs, sit down and distract yourself mentally in an effort to ignore the first desire to pass urine. Wait for it to pass, without rushing to the toilet. The idea is to gradually increase the time between each urination, and retrain your bladder back to registering that it is full only when it is actually holding more than 300 ml. This means you get bladder control back, and the bladder stops wrongly sensing fullness at tiny volumes of urine. For most people, this is enough to shift them back to relatively normal bladder habits, full night sleeps and being able to throw away their maps marked with public toilets.moral of this post...the longer you hold it, the better off the rest of the night will be.
Scientists for Better PCR
01/13/08 09:22 PM
All I have to say is WOW! Somebody at BioRad has a little too much time on their hands!
If you want to sing along, here are the words:
If you want to sing along, here are the words:
The PCR SongWonderful...simply wonderful!
There was a time when to amplify DNA,
You had to grow tons and tons of tiny cells.
Then along came a guy named Dr. Kary Mullis,
Said you can amplify in vitro just as well.
Just mix your template with a buffer and some primers,
Nucleotides and polymerases, too.
Denaturing, annealing, and extending.
Well it’s amazing what heating and cooling and heating will do.
PCR, when you need to detect mutations.
PCR, when you need to recombine.
PCR, when you need to find out who the daddy is.
PCR, when you need to solve a crime.
(repeat chorus)
Men, Tired of waking up feeling as though you don't have an arm?
01/03/08 09:21 PM
I love smart designs and this is now one of my all time favorites.
Most guys have had the "fun" experience of waking up with their wife, finance, or girlfriend, only to discover that their arms are wrapped lovingly around her. This is "fun" for two reasons. First, the bottom arm is completely asleep and has been that way for about two hours. Second, you know you are screwed because if you move it and wake her up you get yelled at in that sleepy way knowing full well she will never believe it happened in the morning.
This fun experience sucks. More importantly it can actually cause injury.
The Love Mattress is a guys best friend. It has horizontal slats cut into it, allowing the bottom arm to simply rest their. This takes care of both problems because the arm won't fall asleep and it is easy to move if uncomfortable.
(Yes I realize it is ironic that her arm is under him.)
According to the site:
Hear Hear Love Mattress inventor. The bottom arm of men everywhere thank you!
Most guys have had the "fun" experience of waking up with their wife, finance, or girlfriend, only to discover that their arms are wrapped lovingly around her. This is "fun" for two reasons. First, the bottom arm is completely asleep and has been that way for about two hours. Second, you know you are screwed because if you move it and wake her up you get yelled at in that sleepy way knowing full well she will never believe it happened in the morning.
This fun experience sucks. More importantly it can actually cause injury.
Studying the embracing styles of couples in bed showed that placing the arm under your partner's body causes abnormal pressure on the arm muscles, blood vessels and nerves. It occasions weakness and pain in the arms. In some cases (usually in the first months of marriage), tolerating this continuous pressure on the arms causes an affliction called “Radial Neuropathy”. The symptoms are typically weakness in wrist dorsiflexion (i.e. wrist drop) and finger extension.Enter the Love Mattress.
The Love Mattress is a guys best friend. It has horizontal slats cut into it, allowing the bottom arm to simply rest their. This takes care of both problems because the arm won't fall asleep and it is easy to move if uncomfortable.
(Yes I realize it is ironic that her arm is under him.)Embracing is a magical human behaviour, and one that distinguishes us from other animals. A loving embrace, especially between partners, is one of the most calming actions. Embracing, and bodily proximity and connection after lovemaking, are very important for strengthening relationships. However, what usually stops this pleasant state is not mental tiredness; it is physical weakness....The Love Mattress offers partners a simple yet effective position for embracing. This mattress allows you to hug your loved one intimately without any wrist or arm weakness. The assembled mattress has the same dimensions as other mattresses, with the added advantage that you can make a gap between joined parts. Your arm and shoulder can occupy the gaps when you are lying on your side. In other lying styles, you can easily find your most comfortable position. For example, if you are lying on your tummy, your foot can project comfortably into the mattress. Anatomical research supports the claim that The Love Mattress provides greater comfort than existing mattresses.
Hear Hear Love Mattress inventor. The bottom arm of men everywhere thank you!
not a fun way to go...
09/24/07 09:18 PM
having worked with sulfuric acid before, drowning in a vat of it is not how i want to die. I can only imagine how it happened and hope that the fumes knocked this poor kid out before he actually fell into the acid.
i don't believe this...but it's funny
08/31/07 09:15 PM
a buddy of mine sent me these science based jokes regarding women, which i found really funny, but probably will take a lot of crap for posting.
therefore i will now state the obvious for all the men out there:
these aren't funny no matter how hard you laugh and how true you find the pictures below, they are lies...propaganda and are not to be taken for the truth (hopefully that saves my ass).
a wonderful proof showing the relationship between women and problems...you can also substitute the root of all evil into equation for and prove that women equal evil.
graphical proof of the man's inability to win an argument...we have all been there
this one had me rolling around...yep one switch for a guy and a lot of knobs for women...not so easy to use or understand.
an time study on how long a a woman stays in her natural habitat vs how long a man will venture into a woman's natural habitat.
i wish i had links back to the sites that these were originally on, but i don't...if you know drop me a comment so i can give appropriate links!
therefore i will now state the obvious for all the men out there:
these aren't funny no matter how hard you laugh and how true you find the pictures below, they are lies...propaganda and are not to be taken for the truth (hopefully that saves my ass).
a wonderful proof showing the relationship between women and problems...you can also substitute the root of all evil into equation for and prove that women equal evil.
i love how perfect that definition of a MSDS is and how it relates to women!
The purpose of a Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS) is to inform industrial purchasers and users of hazardous chemicals of the reasonably foreseeable physical and chemical hazards that may arise from the use of those chemicals. Most materials packaged for consumer use are exempt from the requirements of the Hazard Communication Standard (HCS). The MSDS should include precautions for normal use, handling, storage, disposal, and spill cleanup.
graphical proof of the man's inability to win an argument...we have all been there
this one had me rolling around...yep one switch for a guy and a lot of knobs for women...not so easy to use or understand.
an time study on how long a a woman stays in her natural habitat vs how long a man will venture into a woman's natural habitat.
i wish i had links back to the sites that these were originally on, but i don't...if you know drop me a comment so i can give appropriate links!
game over
08/31/07 09:12 PM
this video is amazing for two reasons:
1. i love these old games2. the concept is awesome
great job by Sarah Phelps & PES
my thoughts exactly
08/28/07 09:10 PM
so phdcomics has done it again...a wonderful comic that sums up the science phd process succinctly. so instead of me blabbering on here it is:
differences
07/26/07 09:05 PM
with all the stuff going on right now in iraq, darfur, and throughout the rest of the world, this simple little venn diagram says so much.
i absolutely love indexed.blogspot.com and think that a lot of the stuff on there is genius, but this one is so simple and just screams we are way more similar then we want to admit. our differences are ideas and upbringing, we are all basically the same. its a scary thought but our foes are just like us all that make us foes are differences of opinion...
i absolutely love indexed.blogspot.com and think that a lot of the stuff on there is genius, but this one is so simple and just screams we are way more similar then we want to admit. our differences are ideas and upbringing, we are all basically the same. its a scary thought but our foes are just like us all that make us foes are differences of opinion...cats
07/25/07 09:04 PM
i don't like cats. don't get me wrong i love kittens, but as soon as they hit non-playful age i am no longer a fan. i think it is because of my mom's cat, skye, a siamese with bipolar disorder. she can be the sweetest thing, but as soon as she decides it is time for you to stop petting her, she attaches to your arm with claws and teeth. for this reason i try not to touch her and thus the rational behind my dislike of full grown felines. even though i don't like cats, i found this cartoon utterly hilarious for some reason. i think it is my inner nerd?
seriously, that is just plain funny. well i hope this is my first and only post relating to cats.
seriously, that is just plain funny. well i hope this is my first and only post relating to cats.
Um, I want this kind of Thesis
06/15/07 09:02 PM
so i was wandering around the internet and found this on wired...and i thought to myself: wow whatever my thesis project turns out to be it is not going to be as cool as that.
here is the video of her thesis defense:
anyways hears to a cool thesis, to all those geeks out there who are salivating as you read this, and to any women who wants to play video games!
do you realize how much money she could make with this...i mean it brings a whole new meaning to playing video games!Jennifer Chowdhury attended the interactive telecommunications program at New York University, where her prototypes drew on her engineering training, her artistic aspirations and her sense of humor. Her master's thesis project, Intimate Controllers, is not explicitly sexual -- but it's not something you would use with your sibling, either.
Intimate Controllers is a set of sensors embedded in underwear that direct the action on a video game. Rather than sit separately on the couch and jam fingers against small plastic buttons, players touch each other to control the game.
here is the video of her thesis defense:
anyways hears to a cool thesis, to all those geeks out there who are salivating as you read this, and to any women who wants to play video games!
Global Warming Perks...
05/30/07 08:58 PM
so lets be realistic...global warming is a big deal and is a problem. i do believe that the earth's global climate fluctuates as is observed via CO2 levels in ice cores, but i also believe that the human population is causing an increase in the rate at which global warming is occurring.
if you haven't checked it out already, i highly suggest going to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Control [IPCC] website and checking out some of the science behind my above mentioned beliefs.
i do realize that many people don't care about the gory details of the science on the IPCC website, so when i found this picture i thought it would be an easy way to get my point across, while at the same time pointing out a little thought about positive regarding global warming.
so as you can see there has been a distinct "s" curve relating the temperature of the earth and the size of women's lingerie. i [being a scientist] plotted this data to make it easier to see.
using the latest in computer technology, i was able to use molecular modeling software to determine how the underwear has progressed from 1800 through today and thus use this information to determine what size it will have in 2200.
as you can see it no longer exists as of 2025.
after an exhaustive study, it was also concluded that the stated results also apply to women's bathing suits as seen in these two photographs used in data collection.
circa 2007
if you haven't checked it out already, i highly suggest going to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Control [IPCC] website and checking out some of the science behind my above mentioned beliefs.
i do realize that many people don't care about the gory details of the science on the IPCC website, so when i found this picture i thought it would be an easy way to get my point across, while at the same time pointing out a little thought about positive regarding global warming.
so as you can see there has been a distinct "s" curve relating the temperature of the earth and the size of women's lingerie. i [being a scientist] plotted this data to make it easier to see.
using the latest in computer technology, i was able to use molecular modeling software to determine how the underwear has progressed from 1800 through today and thus use this information to determine what size it will have in 2200. as you can see it no longer exists as of 2025.
after an exhaustive study, it was also concluded that the stated results also apply to women's bathing suits as seen in these two photographs used in data collection.
circa 2007so to all those male scientists who are always hating on global warming, pause for a moment and appreciate some of the perks...in 18 years the planet will be full of naked women.
and then, just maybe then, you [we] will actually have a chance with a real-life women...YAY!
and then, just maybe then, you [we] will actually have a chance with a real-life women...YAY!
B is the new C
05/23/07 08:58 PM
i ran across this article on collegehumor and needed to share.
to set the scene:
its final exam time and you have an exam...you didn't study...you get the exam and knowing that you have no idea for any of the questions you just put down C for all of the answers. Life is good you will probably get a 25% or so...oh well that is all you need to pass.
what you don't expect is this:
accompanied by an email from your professor:
everyone remember...B is the new C!
and remember that on a true and false exam only answers A and B count on a scantron.
to set the scene:
its final exam time and you have an exam...you didn't study...you get the exam and knowing that you have no idea for any of the questions you just put down C for all of the answers. Life is good you will probably get a 25% or so...oh well that is all you need to pass.
what you don't expect is this:
accompanied by an email from your professor:
Dear Michael,that sucks!
Every year I attempt to boost my students' final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.
There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It's as if you didn't look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!
May God have mercy on your soul.
Sincerely,
Professor William Turner
P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C
everyone remember...B is the new C!
and remember that on a true and false exam only answers A and B count on a scantron.
Happy Birthday [to my car]
05/15/07 08:53 PM
i received this email from the hyundai dealership where i bought my car last year...
what i want to know is what are they sending my car for a present?!?!
Dear Elantra:how priceless is that...i guess anything they can do to get me into the dealership to spend some money.
"Happy Birthday" from your friends at Herb Chambers Toyota Hyundai of Auburn!
I hope you and Kene are getting along well and that Kene is taking good care of you. If you have any bumps and scratches, aches or pains, just come in and see us. We are here to care for you. As always if there is anything I can do, please call me at Herb Chambers Toyota Hyundai of Auburn at 508-832-8000.
I hope you and your owner have an excellent day!
Respectfully,
Chuck Wolfe
Sales Manager
Herb Chambers Toyota Hyundai of Auburn
what i want to know is what are they sending my car for a present?!?!
6 freaking months...so sad right now...
05/08/07 08:51 PM
so David Ng of The Science Creative Quarterly and The World's Fair fame wrote a piece entitled: "Hypothetical question of the day: How long do you figure your post graduate degree would've actually taken if everything you did, worked?."
needless to say i am extremely depressed with his results.
i love how in science this is completely accepted...can you imagine another career in which a 5% success rate is allowed?
"i am sorry we only deliver 5% of babies successfully."
"i am sorry i only win 5% of my cases."
"i am sorry i only make 5% of my customer's meals."
"i am sorry only 5% of my products work."
"i am sorry only 5% of my buildings stay standing."
"i am sorry only 5% of my students graduate."
oh science, i don't know if this is why i love thee or hate thee...well actually it depends if it is a "magic fingers" day or not!
well here's to 54 months of crap intertwined with 3 months of genius...yay grad school!
needless to say i am extremely depressed with his results.
so this means that in my 5years of graduate school career [i hope?] about 3 months will be the actual work that gets me my PhD, awesome, freaking awesome...
Several years back, myself and some colleagues (all in the molecular biology genre) had a discussion about this over some drinks. Specifically, we tried to calculate how long our doctorates would have actually taken, if we assumed that all the experiments we did in our theses worked right off the bat. Always with the first time success, reproducible results in triplicate no problemo, no troubleshooting required, or literally, a case where we had "magic fingers" for the entire length of our graduate career.
And so, if we assumed that taking courses was not factored in, and that we would have about 3 months to actually write up the damn thing, we all agreed that our Ph.D. would have taken somewhere in the 6 month range to complete. 6 freakin' months!
Anyway, in the end, I took just over 5 years, which means for the 3 months or so of "thesis bound" results, there also existed about 54 months of "non-thesis" bound results. And that is like a 5% success rate - which ultimately means that, really, you just have to work one day every three or so weeks, and as long as you pick the right day, you'll still get your degree in the normal length of time.
i love how in science this is completely accepted...can you imagine another career in which a 5% success rate is allowed?
"i am sorry we only deliver 5% of babies successfully."
"i am sorry i only win 5% of my cases."
"i am sorry i only make 5% of my customer's meals."
"i am sorry only 5% of my products work."
"i am sorry only 5% of my buildings stay standing."
"i am sorry only 5% of my students graduate."
oh science, i don't know if this is why i love thee or hate thee...well actually it depends if it is a "magic fingers" day or not!
well here's to 54 months of crap intertwined with 3 months of genius...yay grad school!
Roger Clemens' New Star[t]ing Role...
05/08/07 08:50 PM
so i found this great post on boston dirt dogs [one of my daily reads]:
"Now the Yankees are just kind of pathetic. These days, their game plan seems to be simple. The Boss is old and getting older. They need to win and win now. Do something, anything, everything. They’ve already used five rookie starters, and that didn’t work. Now they’re turning their lonely eyes to a guy who was a rookie two years before Phil Hughes was born. How desperate are they? This is the baseball equivalent of purchasing a mail-order bride from Outer Mongolia." -- 5.8.07, Gerry Callahan, Boston Heraldnow i don't think that the sox really needed Clemens, but it still smarts...i mean i do have an autographed photo of Roger and i, when i was about 7, showing our cowboy boots together...damn you roger...damn you!
google, i am your bitch
04/15/07 08:40 PM
i am an admitted google whore...i use the google search engine, gmail, gtalk, google calender, blogger, google docs, google analytics, google webmaster tool kit, google toolbar for firefox, google browser sync, google page creator, google glossary, and google scholar!
in case you weren't counting that is 13 different google applications! yes, i am a WHORE!
so when i am online i am using a google related application constantly. so when i found this picture online by Randy Siegal i felt that most of the new applications would be very useful! For the full effect check this out!
Your Brain: for those times you you can't remember something, but you know you know
Your Home: where are my keys...thanks google!
Family: birthdays, anniversaries, gift ideas, must i say more?
Friends: find out where they are and what they are doing so you can choose whom to grace with your presence
Ex-friends: find out where they are and what they are doing so you can make their life a living hell
Relatives: when are they coming to visit and how long...what annoys them so that they will leave
Co-workers: who will do your work for you and what your bosses really really like
Ex-spouse(s): i also assume this means ex-girl/boyfriend(s) so do i really need to explain this one?
Enemies: keep those suckers close
Satellite Photos of People You Want to Spy On: you know, that girl you are interested in, or i guess your kids or something
Satellite Photos of People Spying on You: keep those suckers close
Medical Records: i love how this is vague about who's records...find out when to make a move on that great apartment the old man lives in
Credit Reports: identity fraud?
Tax Records: what years did i forget [not] pay my taxes?
Phone Records: who called me and who did i call last night?
Court Documents: what happened last night?
Other People's Conversations: what did you say last night?
Books: just read that last page!
Movies: what was that line in office space?
TV Shows: what was that line in family guy?
Music: what was that 50 cent lyric?
Pornography: nuh said
Your Past: who am i?
Your Present: what am i doing?
Your Future: where am i going?
oh man i cannot wait until google takes my entire life over...google i am your bitch!
in case you weren't counting that is 13 different google applications! yes, i am a WHORE!
so when i am online i am using a google related application constantly. so when i found this picture online by Randy Siegal i felt that most of the new applications would be very useful! For the full effect check this out!
Your Brain: for those times you you can't remember something, but you know you know
Your Home: where are my keys...thanks google!
Family: birthdays, anniversaries, gift ideas, must i say more?
Friends: find out where they are and what they are doing so you can choose whom to grace with your presence
Ex-friends: find out where they are and what they are doing so you can make their life a living hell
Relatives: when are they coming to visit and how long...what annoys them so that they will leave
Co-workers: who will do your work for you and what your bosses really really like
Ex-spouse(s): i also assume this means ex-girl/boyfriend(s) so do i really need to explain this one?
Enemies: keep those suckers close
Satellite Photos of People You Want to Spy On: you know, that girl you are interested in, or i guess your kids or something
Satellite Photos of People Spying on You: keep those suckers close
Medical Records: i love how this is vague about who's records...find out when to make a move on that great apartment the old man lives in
Credit Reports: identity fraud?
Tax Records: what years did i forget [not] pay my taxes?
Phone Records: who called me and who did i call last night?
Court Documents: what happened last night?
Other People's Conversations: what did you say last night?
Books: just read that last page!
Movies: what was that line in office space?
TV Shows: what was that line in family guy?
Music: what was that 50 cent lyric?
Pornography: nuh said
Your Past: who am i?
Your Present: what am i doing?
Your Future: where am i going?
oh man i cannot wait until google takes my entire life over...google i am your bitch!
step on a crack, break your mother's back
04/07/07 08:39 PM
so do you remember when you were little and someone said "step on a crack and break your mother's back?
i do...and no matter how mad i was at my mother, i never could seem to step on enough cracks to do any damage (just kidding mom...no but seriously, i tried so hard and never could do it...i think once she put her back out, but i didn't count that)!
so you might be wondering what brought on this little bit of reminiscing...well it was this comic:
i have totally done that...for example, no stepping on the cracks between sidewalk pieces, or when i was a kid playing in the woods, when i couldn't step on the ground because it was lava or water...(yes i had fun when i was little).
it made me start thinking about how i walk...which of course led me to start thinking about how other people walk, and i came to the conclusion that walking is like your dna or fingerprints, only better!
look around some time, everyone's walk is different...everyone has that one little part that makes their walk theirs.
i for example have a stride of 16.8 inches, for a complete cycle of 33.6 inches. i slowly swing my arms as i walk, but do not bounce. once i got over my depression about how i just measured my step size, i started looking at other peoples walks.
here are some of my favorites i observed:
the bounce - this walk is one that everyone would recognize...the person looks like they are taking a little jump each time the take a step, kind of looks like they are trying to work out the calfs, but failing miserably
the waddle - this person looks like a duck...nough said
the power stride - this person usually is wearing a power tie if male, or a pant suit if female and is walking with a purpose even though they just graduated business school and hold no power
the strut - the over confident walk usually performed by those who have no reason to do it
the model - think tyra banks only not on a runway or dressed up
the oh my god don't come near me - the people who have a personal bubble and thus keep everything 2 feet away from them...kind of the gas molecule model
the limp - not people who are really hurt, but those who have that slight limp and usually heavy gold metal chains and 6XL shirts with jeans that would fit four of me
so hopefully next time you are out you will look at how others are walking and add some more categories to my list...and if you get up after reading this and analyze your walk don't feel bad...i used a yard stick to figure out mine!
i do...and no matter how mad i was at my mother, i never could seem to step on enough cracks to do any damage (just kidding mom...no but seriously, i tried so hard and never could do it...i think once she put her back out, but i didn't count that)!
so you might be wondering what brought on this little bit of reminiscing...well it was this comic:
i have totally done that...for example, no stepping on the cracks between sidewalk pieces, or when i was a kid playing in the woods, when i couldn't step on the ground because it was lava or water...(yes i had fun when i was little).
it made me start thinking about how i walk...which of course led me to start thinking about how other people walk, and i came to the conclusion that walking is like your dna or fingerprints, only better!
look around some time, everyone's walk is different...everyone has that one little part that makes their walk theirs.
i for example have a stride of 16.8 inches, for a complete cycle of 33.6 inches. i slowly swing my arms as i walk, but do not bounce. once i got over my depression about how i just measured my step size, i started looking at other peoples walks.
here are some of my favorites i observed:
the bounce - this walk is one that everyone would recognize...the person looks like they are taking a little jump each time the take a step, kind of looks like they are trying to work out the calfs, but failing miserably
the waddle - this person looks like a duck...nough said
the power stride - this person usually is wearing a power tie if male, or a pant suit if female and is walking with a purpose even though they just graduated business school and hold no power
the strut - the over confident walk usually performed by those who have no reason to do it
the model - think tyra banks only not on a runway or dressed up
the oh my god don't come near me - the people who have a personal bubble and thus keep everything 2 feet away from them...kind of the gas molecule model
the limp - not people who are really hurt, but those who have that slight limp and usually heavy gold metal chains and 6XL shirts with jeans that would fit four of me
so hopefully next time you are out you will look at how others are walking and add some more categories to my list...and if you get up after reading this and analyze your walk don't feel bad...i used a yard stick to figure out mine!
science the next big cult
04/01/07 08:35 PM
so i saw this comic and could not stop laughing because as i am working my way through grad school, i am finding that i really am changing the way i think...i really am becoming a scientist.
i am really starting to wonder how everything works and think about how to figure it out. my rotations are really starting to get me to understand good experimental design and how to apply what i have learned in my classes to the lab. the literature is not as scary as it used to be (but it still is another language sometimes).
oh man i think i just came to the realization that i joined a cult...awesome.
i am really starting to wonder how everything works and think about how to figure it out. my rotations are really starting to get me to understand good experimental design and how to apply what i have learned in my classes to the lab. the literature is not as scary as it used to be (but it still is another language sometimes).
oh man i think i just came to the realization that i joined a cult...awesome.
aprils fools
03/31/07 08:36 PM
april first, aka april fools day, a day to find out how much people really like you. my feeling is that if you trick them and they continue speaking to you, they probably are your friend.
so did you get tricked today?
I didn't, well not really, well maybe a little...but it didn't count!
one of my good friends had this as his away message:
so as a die-hard redsox fan, i sat in front of my computer knowing damn well that this is a joke, but wanting to call the number just in case...so what did i do?
i sent brett and IM and told him that his joke wasn't funny hoping that his reply would be "its not a joke!" unfortunately his reply was "hahahaha." my heart sank, my voice got an octave deeper, so i replied in the saddest typing i have ever been part of "i wonder how many people had called," without revealing that i had already put the number in my phone just in case...brett explained that the number was for nan ling, a restaurant in boston.
this exchange got me thinking...what are some of the best april fools day jokes of all time...conveniently i found this list via google. here are some of my favorites:
so there have been some really, really good april fools day jokes over the years, but none i have ever experienced caused such a swing in my emotions as brett's little joke did. for that reason i commend you brett for being the only person to trick me in a long long time [even though i didn't call the damn number].
p.s.
does anyone want some of this food that magically got delivered to my place from nan ling??
so did you get tricked today?
I didn't, well not really, well maybe a little...but it didn't count!
one of my good friends had this as his away message:
TIME SENSITIVE:
FREE SOX BLEACHER SEATS. CALL 617-247-1835 AND SAY "MATSUZAKA" WHEN THEY PICK UP BUT BEFORE THEY GREET YOU.
ONE PER PERSON, ONLY VALID UNTIL 5.
so as a die-hard redsox fan, i sat in front of my computer knowing damn well that this is a joke, but wanting to call the number just in case...so what did i do?
i sent brett and IM and told him that his joke wasn't funny hoping that his reply would be "its not a joke!" unfortunately his reply was "hahahaha." my heart sank, my voice got an octave deeper, so i replied in the saddest typing i have ever been part of "i wonder how many people had called," without revealing that i had already put the number in my phone just in case...brett explained that the number was for nan ling, a restaurant in boston.
this exchange got me thinking...what are some of the best april fools day jokes of all time...conveniently i found this list via google. here are some of my favorites:
In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch and he could reportedly throw a baseball with startling, pinpoint accuracy at 168 mph (65 mph faster than anyone else has ever been able to throw a ball). Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans everywhere celebrated at their teams's amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the writer of the article, George Plimpton.
In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement in honor of the tenth anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that then gripped the British tabloids in the following decades.
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.
In 2000 a news release was sent to the media stating that the 15th annual New York City April Fool's Day Parade was scheduled to begin at noon on 59th Street and would proceed down to Fifth Avenue. According to the release, floats in the parade would include a "Beat 'em, Bust 'em, Book 'em" float created by the New York, Los Angeles, and Seattle police departments. This float would portray "themes of brutality, corruption and incompetence." A "Where's Mars?" float, reportedly built at a cost of $10 billion, would portray missed Mars missions. Finally, the "Atlanta Braves Baseball Tribute to Racism" float would feature John Rocker who would be "spewing racial epithets at the crowd." CNN and the Fox affiliate WNYW sent television news crews to cover the parade. They arrived at 59th Street at noon only to discover that there was no sign of a parade, at which point the reporters realized they had been hoaxed. The prank was the handiwork of Joey Skaggs, an experienced hoaxer. Skaggs had been issuing press releases advertising the nonexistent parade every April Fool's Day since 1986.
In 1998 Guinness issued a press release announcing that it had reached an agreement with the Old Royal Observatory in Greenwich, England to be the official beer sponsor of the Observatory's millennium celebration. According to this agreement, Greenwich Mean Time would be renamed Guinness Mean Time until the end of 1999. In addition, where the Observatory traditionally counted seconds in "pips," it would now count them in "pint drips." The Financial Times, not realizing that the release was a joke, declared that Guinness was setting a "brash tone for the millennium." When the Financial Times learned that it had fallen for a joke, it printed a curt retraction, stating that the news it had disclosed "was apparently intended as part of an April 1 spoof."
so there have been some really, really good april fools day jokes over the years, but none i have ever experienced caused such a swing in my emotions as brett's little joke did. for that reason i commend you brett for being the only person to trick me in a long long time [even though i didn't call the damn number].
p.s.
does anyone want some of this food that magically got delivered to my place from nan ling??
how to annoy an atheist?
03/30/07 08:32 PM
so i was surfing the web and came across this little gem that had me rolling on the ground with laughter and thought i would share. i just put the ones that i thought were funny but if you want to see the whole list check out the original posting.
How to Annoy and Atheist:7) Tell them that the universe is too complex to "just exist," and must have been created by a God who "just exists."
8) Make up statistics.
12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.
13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.
23) Use bad math to back up your claims.
31) Lead off your criticism of the Big Bang theory with the disclaimer that you're not a physicist like he is.
32) Lead off your suggestions for ways to prove that Noah's Flood occured with the disclaimer that you're not a geologist like he is.
33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."
34) Use Latin a lot.
39) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on evolution.
63) Ask him how he knows God isn't real if he can't see the air.
74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to mistranslation.
77) When shown that the Bible says that Pi=3, say that the Hebrews didn't know anything about science, so it's not their fault.
78) When shown the creation account in Genesis, insist that the Hebrews had all kinds of scientific savvy, being inspired by God.
90) Claim that archeology is proof of the Bible's truth.
121) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.
124) Say that evolution is not proven -- therefore the Bible is correct.
146) Spell it "evilution."
188) When asked what's wrong with evolution, tell them that it doesn't account for the origin of matter.
237) Create hoaxes to prove creationism (i.e. a human footprint alongside a dino's footprint).
244) Grossly misunderstand the word "theory."
279) Point to something in nature that's really cool, and call it proof of God's existence.
i should be studying, but i want to gloat...
03/28/07 08:27 PM
so a woman told me i was right...lets pause for a moment and appreciate that (count to four quietly if you are a woman). for all the guys out there you understand what i mean.
seriously, i have a physical chemistry of biological macromolecules exam in about 13 hours and i would rather tell the world that a woman told me i was right than study. well yeah i would do anything other than studying, but this seems like a really really good excuse.
so most women are probally thinking that this guy just things he was right, but the woman was lying. well to those nonbelievers i have proof, undeniable proof. i have a picture, a picture which as not been edited (well i removed part of the statement that was not important), which proves i was right, and i needed to post this so i could always remember the time i was right and a woman told me.
so for all you men out there who have never been right, i share my moment with you, and hope that someday you too feel the wonderful majestic feeling of being right!
and lena, i want you to know i will cherish this picture and moment for the rest of my life (if you want the context of the picture check out lena's blog).
seriously, i have a physical chemistry of biological macromolecules exam in about 13 hours and i would rather tell the world that a woman told me i was right than study. well yeah i would do anything other than studying, but this seems like a really really good excuse.
so most women are probally thinking that this guy just things he was right, but the woman was lying. well to those nonbelievers i have proof, undeniable proof. i have a picture, a picture which as not been edited (well i removed part of the statement that was not important), which proves i was right, and i needed to post this so i could always remember the time i was right and a woman told me.
so for all you men out there who have never been right, i share my moment with you, and hope that someday you too feel the wonderful majestic feeling of being right!
and lena, i want you to know i will cherish this picture and moment for the rest of my life (if you want the context of the picture check out lena's blog).